29 June 2011

Some Things in Life |read: Pregnancy| Just Aren't Fair

There are exactly three terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ways to wake up.

1: Someone yelling at you in an aggressive or angry way.
2: Excruciating pain from a leg cramp.
3: Excruciating pain from a leg cramp while you are 8 months pregnant.

For the love of all things that are good, why are leg cramps common during pregnancy?  We all know that if you wake up with a leg cramp, the best thing you can do is get up quickly and walk slowly.  This may also be the last thing you want to do << if you didn't know this little trick, tuck it away for a rainy day- you'll thank me >>, but trust me, it's the most efficient and effective way to straighten out a bunched up leg muscle.  If you've never been knocked up, or if you're a guy, I want to let you in on a little secret: while pregnant in the 3rd trimester, you can no longer do anything quickly. Period.

At exactly 5:54 one recent morning, I awoke to excruciating pain from a leg cramp while 8 months pregnant.  In hindsight, I'm certain it would have been comical to be a fly on the wall with a nice view of yours truly. The need to rollover quickly and get out of bed was great; however the execution was... well... not so great.  For a while now, I've been sleeping with 4 pillows << that's right... four...  I'm not going to tell you where they all reside, but I will say that I continue to sleep very well >>.

So, I'm deep in an early morning slumber, my right calf cramp commences, and I awake abruptly to an epic battle of throwing off the sheet, tossing away the plethora of pillows, and attempting to roll my pot-bellied self over, somehow managing to stand up while breathing like a horse who's just raced in the Derby, all the while trying not to scream or cry << both of which seem like perfectly reasonable coping skills to utilize in that particular moment >>.  In spite of all of the commotion, I manage to take 2 steps before the hubs rouses from his slumber, and in his sleepy voice he sweetly asks if I'm okay. After a few more steps I assure him << pretty sure I was reassuring myself >> that the cramp had passed.  He fell back to sleep approximately 12 seconds later.

It's just not fair.  In fact, it's cruel... cruel that a woman who is already tasked with the heavy burden << literally and metaphorically here, folks >> of growing a baby for 9 months has to deal with nighttime leg cramps. Whoever thought up the idea of forcing a pregnant chic to go from sleeping peacefully one moment to needing desperately to fly out of bed the next moment should have their head examined.  To boot, if you've ever had a leg cramp you know that afterwards, you're wide awake.  Needless to say, I was at work that morning bright and early << though I was not what  you'd call bright-eyed and bushy-tailed >>.

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