11 May 2011

The Not-So-Cute Side of Pregnancy

Pimples and Acne and Zits, Oh My!
I have acne reminiscent of middle school.  The other night before bed, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, and we were getting ready for bed.  The hubs and I were passing each other in the bedroom, and he stopped to hug me.  He sort of leaned back while telling me some sweet nothing, and instead of looking longingly into my eyes, I'll be darned if he wasn't staring at the giant mountain just above my right eyebrow.

This struck me as being far worse than it was back in high school when you were trying to have a conversation with a teenage boy and he was staring straight at your boobs.  << Can I get an "Amen?" >>

Frequent Urination
I pee ALL THE TIME.  I've always been a really good water-drinker.  << Who am I kidding? The hubs, on a regular basis, accuses me of opening my throat when I have a beverage in front of me- especially when it's either a.) a margarita from Pelancho's, or b.) a bottle of water on a really good hike >>.  I have continued my healthy water-drinking habits, but I swear the kid produces his own urine that transfers directly through my kidneys and on to my bladder.  What's worse, I even have phantom pee!  The sensation of an urgent need to pee travels from my bladder to my brain. I go to pop a squat and get a .7 second trickle. Fail.  Then, approximately 9 minutes later, I've got a FULL bladder and have to race right back.  I see this habit as wasteful of toilet paper, soap, water, and the clean hand towel in the bathroom. << Can I get an "Amen?" >>

Muffin Top doesn't begin to describe it.
Now I've never been a small person.  I'm 5' 7", and I've been athletic since I could lace up my own roller skates.  I love to lift weights with the big boys, and I've always been curvy (at times overweight, but usually within a healthy weight range).  All that to say, this is the first time I have not had a flat stomach.  At first this bump was just plain cute.  But it's getting to be cumbersome << Someone tell that girl to get a grip! She's got 3 more months of GROWTH >>. While the hubs hasn't pointed it out yet, I think I've actually started to waddle.  Getting up and down from a chair, the couch, or even getting in and out of the car, takes more of both time and effort. When I look down, all I see are curves.  I've given up wearing pants altogether, with the exception of stretchy pajama pants, stretchy leggings, and stretchy workout pants.  When I'm in the car, I even have to wear the lap belt part of the seatbelt in such a way that the bump hangs over it. The chest strap rests nicely between the over-sized girls.

Goodbye Pre-Pregnancy Clothes.
At 25 weeks, I've packed away ALL of my pre-pregnancy clothes << if you're one of those women who never had to buy maternity clothes, we can still be friends, as long as you promise not to tell me about it. Kthanks... >>.  This part of the process just plain sucks.  I have way more clothes than I could possibly need, and nothing reminded me of this more than packing them all up for the day (that feels as though it will be a long way off) that I can gloriously sport them again.  My button up shirts and skinny jeans were the FIRST to go.  Soon after were my non-stretchy pants (work and casual alike) and cute work shirts that just weren't long enough to cover the bump. 

At first I shifted these items from the closet in my bedroom to the closet in our guest bedroom. We had to buy a new bin, after all.

Now we arrive to the last of the last, the hold-outs that were staying in rotation as long as they could: the stretchy cotton tops that could no longer conceal the bump; the gym shorts that now create a GIANT muffin top, the cute dresses that have become a flashing hazard as a result of the bump- they all join the others in the bin.  In hindsight, I have some advice. This is a little nugget that, amidst all the other unsolicited advice I've received, no one thought to share with me. When it's your turn, ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO FOLD AND PACK UP YOUR PRE-PREGNANCY CLOTHING.  This is not part of the process that you will enjoy.  Trust me.  Ask your sister, your mother, your significant other, your neighbor- anybody but you should handle that task.

Furthermore, while they are packing away the part of your pre-mommy-to-be-identity << i.e. clothes that no longer fit >>, go to your happy place. Or do something like paint your toenails or listen to your favorite music.  Whatever you do, do not fold up and pack away your clothes that no longer fit. Trust me, avoiding that little emotional roller coaster is a good idea, both in theory and in practice.

1 comment:

  1. As or 5 days ago, you are not waddling. I've seen waddling.