Don't read this. You won't laugh.

My friend Mike has a sense of humor that is yet to be rivaled.  He comes up with stuff that I swear is original. As in, he has fresh thoughts that literally, metaphorically, and emphatically have *never* been thought before.  His FB status updates generally make me stop and scratch my head.  I could never hide him on my newsfeed.  


Over the last couple of weeks, more and more people with a Facebook account switched their profile pic to a favorite, beloved cartoon character as a way to raise awareness of child abuse or attempt to stem child abuse (or something like that).  


While this sounds nice in theory, I think that volunteering at your local family homeless shelter, spending time with victims of domestic violence, serving in your child's classroom, or mentoring as a big brother/ sister to a little brother/sister are all practical ways to accomplish what "changing your profile pic to a cartoon" attempts to do.


That's my mini-soapbox, directly and clearly communicated.  Here's how my friend Mike communicated his opinions on the matter, from a giant Tide box with a megaphone that danced circles around all of us.


**Warning: Contains Profanity**


Sunday at 6:30 p.m.

Hey! Childhood Obesity is really a problem for our culture! Show your support and change your FB profile picture to a vegetable from your childhood. The goal? To not see a human face on FB until December 12th. Join the fight against fat kids!!- copy & paste to your status and invite your friends to do the same.

Sunday at 6:35 p.m.

Hey! Senior Abuse is really a problem for our culture! Show your support and change your FB profile picture to a favorite elderly person from your childhood. The goal? To not see a wrinkle-free human face on FB until December the 33rd, Two Thousand and Sand...Also, Alzhiemer's is also crappy also!! Hey! invite your friends and pets and lamps to do the same! Declaration of Independence!!!

Sunday at 6:43 p.m.

Hey! Rodent Homophobia is really a problem for our culture! Show your support of our fluffy gay friends and change your FB profile picture to a favorite small homosexual mammal from your childhood. The goal? To not see an un-whiskered cute little gay face on FB until December 58th, 500 B.C.!
What are numbers? I don't know!!

                   Comment at 6:43 p.m. I'm a small male chipmunk that likes other small male chipmunks in a sexual and romantic fashion!! Declaration of Independence!!

Sunday at 6:53 p.m.

Hey! Illiteracy is really a problem for our culture! Show your support of words and stuff and change your FB profile picture to a favorite word or sentence that you just can't understand! The goal? To not see a comprehensible written thought on FB until December the 101st, Two Thousand and Pie! How the hell am i typing this?!?! What am i typing? i can't read!!! Incleration fo Depeneneanence!

Sunday at 6:56 p.m.

Okay, sorry- i just had to get that out of my system. carry on. :)

                   Comment at 6:43 p.m. My therapist says this is healthy. i'm not sure. i'm a little scared my digital self is going to get tarred and feathered and run out of FB city. oh well...the gay chipmunk made me giggle.

Sunday at 7:18 p.m.

Hey! Random Causes That Seem To Crop Up Out Of Freaking Nowhere are really a problem for our social networking culture! Show your support of support and support by changing your FB profile picture to a picture of your FB profile picture...picture! The goal? I have no freaking idea, but let's do it anyway!!! I'll see you all on December ∞, 2ThousandAndœ∑´®†¥¨ˆƒ∆∫˚!!!!

                   Comment at 6:43 p.m. My Brain is melted!! Declaration! Independence! What?! Support!!!!!

Sunday at 7:20 p.m.

Okay, NOW i'm done. man... why can't i just change my pic to Darkwing Duck and call it a day? No one is marching in your parade, underdown... shut the hell up and play farmville...

Darkwing Duck